[ She's quiet; almost contemplative for a second or two, as if trying to figure out what she could say, flashes of guilt tracing across her features for a second there. ]
I should have been able to do something to interfere. But I was-- am weak. I could only watch. I could only do the bare minimum of things. [ And she sighs. ] By the way, was what you did back then. . . that 'trump card' of yours that you were talking about?
[There's a sympathetic look directed her way as he sees the emotions flicker through her face. Being completely helpless to do anything but watch is a feeling that's all too familiar to him by now and as he opens his mouth a little to interject, but he falters the instant that question comes up. His expression shifts to something more troubled, averting his eyes to look at her bandaged arm.]
...Right. [There was that message from Inaba that Cinque had relayed, after all. And given that he explicitly stated it at the meeting, along with regaining the memories that they'd lost, it probably shouldn't be that hard to talk it. Still, he hesitates.]
I... [...] You remember when we were playing Never Have I Ever, right?
I don't think I really need to tell you, but this was what I was referring to back when you were asking about supernatural powers.
[He sighs a little and places a hand on his chest, right over his heart.]
...It's something I've had since I was a kid. I don't know where it came from or why I have it, but using it gives me strength and speed beyond that of a normal person -- likened to the 'power of an ogre'. You... can probably guess why that's a bad combination when I mentioned that I can't fully control it.
[ She does listen to him throughout the entirety of this conversation, however, definitely a little contemplative as she hums a little bit to herself. ]
It's possible that if you had it since you were that young, you might have been born with it? But you said you had it since you were younger, and I hate asking this, but. Did you kill someone with it before--?
[ "Before all of this", she seems to imply, but not say aloud. ]
[He freezes up at that, closing his eyes as the faces of his family, friends and acquaintances flash through his mind. ...He wonders what they would think of him now.]
...Yeah, although not until I started working for the Foundation. [...] It was my squad commander at the time. Things were only getting worse, so I used it. And by the time I came back to my senses, it was already too late.
[ That sounds. . . bad? She listens to him carefully as she shuts her eyes closed and lets out a heavy breath before opening them once again, her gaze steely and serious. ]
I see. You must carry a lot of guilt about that. I'm sorry.
Haha... [The laughter is weak and self-derisive.] I appreciate the thought, but you really don't need to say that. He's the one who paid the price, all because I was too weak to do anything about it.
Well... I guess that's true, but you have your own concerns to deal with too, right? So it's not really fair of me to heap my troubles on top of yours.
Really? [Um, he's not the best at picking up on how other people feel but this still sounds like bullshit??]
Look, I'm not going to pry if you don't want to talk, but... [...] just remember that people care about you. That means we want you to lean on us if you're ever down or you feel like you need to talk or... anything. You're always there to prop us up when we need it, and I want to be able to do the same for you.
[ It sure is a load of crap, but she's not going to actually say that, so instead she just gives him a thumbs up and an attempt to be reassuring. Besides... her issues are insignificant compared to the others. They don't actually matter. ]
And there's no need for that. I never needed to lean on people back in the Foundation, so why should I change that now?
[ She wears a rather weary, but also rather bitter smile while saying those words. ]
[He's torn. On one hand, he understands how uncomfortable it can be to talk about personal matters. On the other, that smile stands in such clear contrast to her words that he can't help but be worried about her.
So it's with a sigh that speaks, eyes meeting her own.]
We're not back at the Foundation, Inaba. And even if we were, you can't escape the fact that you've changed. I remember the girl who wouldn't give me the time of day except for the occasional errand or two. Maybe you could argue that I just never caught you at the right times... but I'm certain that the person I'm looking at right now isn't the same as who I saw back then.
You have people who want to stand behind you here, who want to show you that they care and repay you for all of the kindness you've given them. So at the least... you don't need to lie like that.
[ She still smiling for a flicker of a second, but it's obvious that the emotion doesn't meet her eyes before her expression fades into something more neutral before exasperation seems to set in, eliciting a rather worn out sigh as she chews on her nail, a little uncomfortable for a second before making the attempt to shake it off. ]
I know. [ Is she talking about the fact that yes, they really aren't in the Foundation anymore, or is she talking about how she's changed? ] But for all that I've changed--
[ Finally as she says that, knowing that they got a bit distracted over things earlier, she slowly starts to unpin the wrapping on her arm and undo the bandages. ]
None of my problems matter, in the end. So in the end, I'm fine. There's no lie.
Edited (not this icon 8() Date: 2019-01-04 04:48 pm (UTC)
[There's a shake of the head when she finishes, his eyes still boring into hers. This time, his voice is more firm, with greater conviction underlying his words.]
No, they do matter. Maybe they don't decide the fate of a nation or the success of our mission, but that doesn't mean they're insignificant, either. They're important to you, and that means they're important to us too.
[After that, he deflates with a small sigh.]
And at the end of the day, running away from your problems doesn't solve anything. It only keeps you from moving forward.
And so what? Nothing will change if I say anything. That's just how it is. Because nobody will accept it. I know that more than anyone else, so there's no point in talking.
[ She wears a rather bitter smile. ]
Because nobody would like hearing it.
Edited (wrong icon lol) Date: 2019-01-05 12:47 am (UTC)
I think it's one thing if you need time to sort through it, or you want to figure it out on your own. But if you're holding back because you're assuming people will take it badly, then that's another. So, I'll say it again: try me.
[ She hesitates for a moment, because it's definitely the latter. But she knows she's right. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath though her nose before-- ]
Promise that you won't tell anyone. Especially. . . not Ichigo or Atsushi.
[ Her voice is awfully quiet as she speaks, her fingers threading together a little nervously. ]
You probably won't like this either, especially when they're working so hard, but... Lately, I've been thinking about it. About not taking the option to bring myself back to life once we get that chance.
Edited (I missed words) Date: 2019-01-05 06:21 am (UTC)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-01 04:13 pm (UTC)[ She's quiet; almost contemplative for a second or two, as if trying to figure out what she could say, flashes of guilt tracing across her features for a second there. ]
I should have been able to do something to interfere. But I was-- am weak. I could only watch. I could only do the bare minimum of things. [ And she sighs. ] By the way, was what you did back then. . . that 'trump card' of yours that you were talking about?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-01 10:27 pm (UTC)You saw that too, huh. ...Yeah, it was.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-01 10:51 pm (UTC)[ There's no emotion in her tone and her expression seems to falter for a moment before she tries to force herself to steel her emotions. ]
Do you want to talk about it?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 12:27 am (UTC)I... [...] You remember when we were playing Never Have I Ever, right?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 12:38 am (UTC)I do. What about it?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 07:20 am (UTC)[He sighs a little and places a hand on his chest, right over his heart.]
...It's something I've had since I was a kid. I don't know where it came from or why I have it, but using it gives me strength and speed beyond that of a normal person -- likened to the 'power of an ogre'. You... can probably guess why that's a bad combination when I mentioned that I can't fully control it.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 07:39 am (UTC)[ She does listen to him throughout the entirety of this conversation, however, definitely a little contemplative as she hums a little bit to herself. ]
It's possible that if you had it since you were that young, you might have been born with it? But you said you had it since you were younger, and I hate asking this, but. Did you kill someone with it before--?
[ "Before all of this", she seems to imply, but not say aloud. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 09:02 am (UTC)...Yeah, although not until I started working for the Foundation. [...] It was my squad commander at the time. Things were only getting worse, so I used it. And by the time I came back to my senses, it was already too late.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 05:40 pm (UTC)I see. You must carry a lot of guilt about that. I'm sorry.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-02 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-03 12:02 am (UTC)[ She says those words rather calmly, letting out a heavy breath. ]
I can't say much, just that if you think that you're weak. . . you just have to get stronger, right? To find a way to control yourself.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 12:09 am (UTC)Thanks. And sorry for just... dumping all this on you.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 02:20 am (UTC)[ what a hypocrite ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 04:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 04:38 am (UTC)[ TROUBLES, WHAT TROUBLES, SHE HAS NONE. . . or at least is trying to convince herself that she doesn't right now ]
My only troubles are liking too many people.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 06:04 am (UTC)Look, I'm not going to pry if you don't want to talk, but... [...] just remember that people care about you. That means we want you to lean on us if you're ever down or you feel like you need to talk or... anything. You're always there to prop us up when we need it, and I want to be able to do the same for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 06:11 am (UTC)[ It sure is a load of crap, but she's not going to actually say that, so instead she just gives him a thumbs up and an attempt to be reassuring. Besides... her issues are insignificant compared to the others. They don't actually matter. ]
And there's no need for that. I never needed to lean on people back in the Foundation, so why should I change that now?
[ She wears a rather weary, but also rather bitter smile while saying those words. ]
In any case, I'm fine.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 09:53 am (UTC)So it's with a sigh that speaks, eyes meeting her own.]
We're not back at the Foundation, Inaba. And even if we were, you can't escape the fact that you've changed. I remember the girl who wouldn't give me the time of day except for the occasional errand or two. Maybe you could argue that I just never caught you at the right times... but I'm certain that the person I'm looking at right now isn't the same as who I saw back then.
You have people who want to stand behind you here, who want to show you that they care and repay you for all of the kindness you've given them. So at the least... you don't need to lie like that.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-04 04:47 pm (UTC)I know. [ Is she talking about the fact that yes, they really aren't in the Foundation anymore, or is she talking about how she's changed? ] But for all that I've changed--
[ Finally as she says that, knowing that they got a bit distracted over things earlier, she slowly starts to unpin the wrapping on her arm and undo the bandages. ]
None of my problems matter, in the end. So in the end, I'm fine. There's no lie.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 12:39 am (UTC)No, they do matter. Maybe they don't decide the fate of a nation or the success of our mission, but that doesn't mean they're insignificant, either. They're important to you, and that means they're important to us too.
[After that, he deflates with a small sigh.]
And at the end of the day, running away from your problems doesn't solve anything. It only keeps you from moving forward.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 12:46 am (UTC)[ She wears a rather bitter smile. ]
Because nobody would like hearing it.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 05:52 am (UTC)Try me.
I think it's one thing if you need time to sort through it, or you want to figure it out on your own. But if you're holding back because you're assuming people will take it badly, then that's another. So, I'll say it again: try me.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 05:59 am (UTC)Promise that you won't tell anyone. Especially. . . not Ichigo or Atsushi.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 06:13 am (UTC)Of course. I swear that anything you say here won't leave this room.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-05 06:21 am (UTC)[ Her voice is awfully quiet as she speaks, her fingers threading together a little nervously. ]
You probably won't like this either, especially when they're working so hard, but... Lately, I've been thinking about it. About not taking the option to bring myself back to life once we get that chance.
(no subject)
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